Top Ten Signs Your Team Won't Be Winning The NCAA Basketball Championship
10. Your top player scores 20 points a game, but most of them are in the wrong basket.
9. You spend most of the game guarding the mascot.
8. Some of the players joined the team for the free headbands.
7. Instead of drinking Gatorade, team uses timeouts to moisturize.
6. Typical motivational speech: "Let's hurry this up so we can shower."
5. The scorekeeper doesn't bother to light up your half of the scoreboard.
4. In your region: North Carolina, Duke and the '98 Chicago Bulls.
3. You lead the conference in nosebleeds.
2. Team refuses to attend games because they don't want to miss a new episode of The George Lopez Show.
1. Players ask themselves, "What would the Knicks do?"
David Letterman, 3/16/05